dear kumquat
you are very small
I am unsure of how we’re going to do this but I do know I am
going to love you so much. I know I’m pregnant so I cry all the time anyway but
I’m crying thinking about how much I’m going to love you. you won’t understand
that for a very long time.
love can be so overwhelming, the way it fills you like air
fills a balloon and you just get more and more full of love until you feel like
you’re going to burst but somehow you just get bigger. my capacity for love
will always surprise me.
before I met rich I didn’t know it was possible to love
someone as much as I love him but here we are. and I know that’s going to be
the same as you.
the idea that we created you, that you were nothing, like…
literally non existent until we made you is incredible. and you’re so small.
like, so incredibly teeny tiny and yet you’re so well formed, already. you have
fingernails and a heart and lungs and a pancreas and these are all things
you’ll learn in bio class but I’ll probably teach you because it’s super
interesting. and you’re going to have so many people teaching you all different
things that they want to share with you. but don’t you ever feel pressured by
it, okay?
the reason we’re doing it is because we love you so much,
and when you love someone you just want to share other things that you love
because it’s so exciting. and that’s why I used to make my daddy beaded
bracelets and that’s why he used to keep them. because that’s what loving
someone is about.
you can be whoever you want to be. I need you to know that.
you are important and special and nothing you could possibly ever do or say
will change that. we love you
unconditionally. I know that’s a big word but it’s like. you know when harry
potter will do absolutely anything to put the world back to right? including
die for it? that’s how we love you. and nothing you ever do or say will change
that.
alright 10 week old baby.
mummy out
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