week 20: halfway through

Beginning to feel akin to a whale, or a house. Am feeling exhausted about 95% of the time. In fact, the only time I do not feel exhausted is when I am asleep. I can hear my heartbeat and feel it reverberating through my body with every breath that I take.

Starting to get pretty pissed off with pregnancy books. Every week I’m reading, “Great! So given that you’re well into the second trimester, you’re probably feeling great right?! This is optimum time during pregnancy, as the early symptoms at the beginning have worn off and you’re not yet too big. Go you, the blooming, glowing pregnant lady!”

Well you know what? Fuck you too. I am feeling neither blooming nor glowing. I am a lumbering, graceless wreck with a near permanent headache. To every person that has told me what a wonderful time pregnancy is, and how much they miss it: please, do take over. You can carry this baby if you really want.

I, of course, am not serious. Every time I think about this life I’m growing inside, every time I feel the baby move and kick about, I am unbelievably thankful for this incredible experience that I’m going through.

I just want to go back to sleep.